Nicole Roth: Finding God’s Love After Tragedy, Shame, and Perfectionism (Part 1/2) | 012
What happens when the life you worked so hard to hold together suddenly falls apart?
After losing her father to suicide, Nicole Roth went from being a vibrant, healthy woman to feeling physically depleted, anxious, and desperate for hope. But as she began processing her grief, God gently revealed that the pain went much deeper than this one devastating loss. Beneath her striving, leadership, people-pleasing, and desire to do everything right was a hidden wound of rejection — and a shame-based belief that she had to perform to be safe, accepted, and pleasing to God.
Nicole loved God and wanted to obey Him, but fear kept her from truly opening her heart to Him. Spiritual disciplines had become boxes to check rather than an invitation into intimacy. Yet as she began bringing her pain honestly into God’s presence, His perfect love started replacing fear. The God she had kept at a distance slowly became the safe place where healing could begin.
In this first part of our conversation, Nicole shares how shame can hide beneath Christian perfectionism, why surrender does not mean losing the strength God placed within you, and how going toward the places you would rather avoid can become the beginning of genuine freedom, restored relationships, and lasting joy.
Is This Episode for You?
This episode is for you if...
You are carrying grief or pain that has affected more areas of your life than you expected.
You love God but still feel afraid of disappointing or failing Him.
You regularly feel that you should be praying, serving, reading, or doing more.
You appear capable and successful while privately feeling exhausted, anxious, or inadequate.
You struggle with perfectionism, people-pleasing, overworking, or the need to prove yourself.
You find it difficult to slow down, surrender control, or allow others to see your weakness.
You sense that God wants to heal something deeper, but you are afraid of what you may uncover.
What You’ll Learn
How unresolved rejection and grief can quietly shape your relationships, leadership, and faith.
Why shame often hides beneath perfectionism, performance, and people-pleasing.
The important difference between believing, “I did something wrong,” and believing, “There is something wrong with me.”
How spiritual disciplines can become a substitute for genuine intimacy with God.
Why pressure-filled thoughts about what you “should” be doing may not reflect the voice or heart of God.
How honestly processing pain with God can help renew your mind and rebuild trust in His love.
Why surrender does not erase your personality, strength, ambition, or God-given gifts.
How your willingness to pursue healing can create greater freedom for your children and the people you lead.
Scriptures Mentioned
Directly discussed or clearly referenced
1 John 4:18 — Perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.
Romans 12:2 — Being transformed through the renewing of the mind.
Genesis 3:7–10 — Shame entering after the fall and causing Adam and Eve to hide from God.
Galatians 6:2 — Carrying one another’s burdens.
Ephesians 4:16 — The body being joined together as every part supplies what is needed.
Romans 4:17 — God calling things that do not yet exist as though they already were.
Proverbs 31 — Strength expressed through a woman whose life is submitted to God.
Matthew 10:24 — A disciple is not above her teacher or a servant above her master.
Biblical themes woven throughout the conversation
Surrendering control to God
Moving from fear into perfect love
Renewing the mind with truth
Grace replacing religious performance
The cross leading to resurrection and new life
Each member of the body using her gifts
God meeting us in weakness, grief, and pain
Resources Mentioned
Immanual prayer journaling — A structured journaling process Nicole used to process grief, rejection, and painful memories with God.
The Joyful Journey by Jim Wilder and additional authors — A resource discussing relational healing, joy, and the science behind speaking truth aloud.
Brené Brown’s TED Talks on shame, vulnerability, and courage.
Unashamed by Christine Caine.
Declare Conference — A conference for Christian women communicating and building faith-based messages.
Revelation Wellness and its teaching about recognizing when we “should” on ourselves.
Charlotte Mason education — The gentler homeschooling approach Nicole’s family adopted during a season of healing.
The Tim Ross Podcast — Nicole referenced appearing as a guest on the podcast.
She Abides in Joy — Nicole Roth’s business and ministry.
The Joy Quotient — A practical tool introduced more fully in Part 2.
The Redeemed Perfectionist Facebook community — A free community for women pursuing freedom from perfectionism and striving.
Continue Your Journey
If this episode resonated with you, continue with Episode 013: Nicole Roth—Finding God’s Love After Tragedy, Shame, and Perfectionism, Part 2. Nicole and Leneé go deeper into the Joy Quotient and share practical tools for recognizing shame and moving back toward truth, grace, and joy.
You may also want to take the Grace Scale Quiz to begin noticing where fear, pressure, self-criticism, and performance may still be influencing your relationship with God.
For ongoing encouragement and conversation, join the free Redeemed Perfectionist Facebook community mentioned in this episode.