From Fear to Perfect Love: My Journey Out of Perfectionism and Into God’s Grace | 018
For years, I appeared strong, successful, fearless, and driven. But beneath everything others saw, fear had quietly infiltrated nearly every part of my life. I longed to be loved, worked hard to be accepted, and eventually carried those same patterns of striving and performance into my relationship with God.
In this deeply personal episode, my friend Natalie Lawson interviews me about my redemption story — from being bullied and struggling with body image as a young girl, to looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places, to finally surrendering my life to Jesus. I also share how perfectionism followed me into the church, disguising itself as obedience, excellence, and spiritual discipline.
Although I had walked with God for decades, I eventually realized that much of my obedience was still being driven by fear, shame, and the belief that I had to perform well enough to remain acceptable to Him. God began exposing the taskmaster voice I had mistaken for His and revealing the tenderness of His true heart. His perfect love slowly began casting out my fear.
This is a story about learning to obey from intimacy instead of anxiety, receiving grace while you are still growing, and trusting God enough to take the next step without controlling the entire outcome. You do not need all the answers before you begin. You have permission to make mistakes, receive His love, and let Him transform you along the way.
This Episode Is for You If...
You love God but still live with an underlying fear of disappointing or being punished by Him.
You appear strong and successful while privately struggling with shame, anxiety, or insecurity.
You have confused striving, rule-following, or overworking with faithful obedience.
You feel responsible for producing outcomes that only God can accomplish.
You hesitate when God asks you to do something because you are afraid of doing it incorrectly.
You struggle to receive the tender, compassionate side of God because it feels too soft or unfamiliar.
You want to pursue your calling without hustling, controlling, or demanding perfection from yourself.
What You’ll Learn
How early experiences with bullying, body image, comparison, and rejection can contribute to perfectionism.
Why outward success and confidence can sometimes conceal deep fear and shame.
How perfectionism can follow us into our Christian lives and disguise itself as obedience.
The difference between obeying God to earn His approval and obeying because we already have His love.
Why God may call you into an assignment while He is still healing and preparing you.
How to recognize when you are moving ahead of God by inspecting the fruit being produced in your life.
Why peace, presence, patience, and surrender are essential when learning to recognize God’s pace.
How perfect love transforms our view of repentance, obedience, mistakes, and the heart of God.
Scriptures Mentioned
1 John 4:18 — Perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment and punishment.
Romans 8:1 — There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Galatians 1:6–9 — Paul’s warning about turning toward another or counterfeit gospel.
Galatians 5:22–23 — The fruit of the Spirit as a way to examine what is being produced in our lives.
2 Corinthians 10:5 — Taking thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ.
Hebrews 11:6 — Without faith it is impossible to please God.
Luke 21:19 — “In your patience possess ye your souls.”
Matthew 16:25 — Whoever loses their life for Christ’s sake will find it.
Proverbs 16:6 — Mercy and truth work together in addressing iniquity.
Psalm 37:4 — Delighting yourself in the Lord and receiving the desires of your heart.
Ephesians 4:16 — The Body of Christ growing through what every joint supplies.
2 Timothy 1:12 — Being persuaded that God is able to keep what has been committed to Him.
Resources Mentioned
You Will Make Mistakes
Leneé’s book, You Will Make Mistakes: Discovering God’s Grace in the Midst of Perfectionism, explores the revelation that God used to expose perfectionism in her life and teach her how to receive grace while she was still growing. Learn more, order or opt in to get Chapter 1 for free.
The Grace Scale Quiz
A short quiz designed to help you recognize how deeply perfectionism may be affecting your thoughts, decisions, relationships, spiritual life, and ability to rest.
The Redeemed Perfectionist Community
A Facebook community where Christian women can have honest conversations about perfectionism, healing, grace, and learning to walk with God without fear-driven striving.
The Redeemed Perfectionist Podcast
Subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating or review to help more women discover the message of freedom, grace, and redemption.
Continue Your Journey
If this episode resonated with you — especially the tension between sincerely loving God and still living afraid of disappointing Him — these conversations will help you continue uncovering the difference between grace-led obedience and fear-driven perfectionism.
Good Church Girl to Prodigal: How Christian Perfectionism Twisted the Gospel — Part 1 | 019
Continue exploring how Christian perfectionism can shape the way we understand God, obedience, mistakes, and the gospel itself.
[Listen to Episode 019 →]
Good Church Girl to Prodigal: How Christian Perfectionism Twisted the Gospel — Part 2 | 020
Go deeper into the journey of recognizing distorted beliefs, confronting performance-based faith, and rediscovering the freedom of God’s grace.
[Listen to Episode 020 →]