Between Seasons: His Back Was to the Track — When Your Body Races Before Your Mind Knows Why
Between Seasons: Entry 1
Between Seasons is my journal while the podcast rests. Season 2 of The Redeemed Perfectionist podcast returns in January, and until then, I'm taking you along as I build what's next.
Earlier this month, the Season 1 finale of The Redeemed Perfectionist podcast went live.
A part of me was excited that the rest of this year will be dedicated to building the exciting new thing I am launching.
And the other part of me was honestly scared.
What if my listeners drop me?
What if too much time passes between now and January and I literally end up starting from scratch?
Sound familiar?
And then this happened.
Upon waking a few mornings later, I felt the pressure before I felt anything else. That go-go-go engine was already running, motivating me to hurry up and do. As I intentionally sat with the Lord, a description came to mind for what I was really feeling. It was like a locomotive was inside of me but had nowhere to go. Spot on!
"Lord, that's what I am feeling, but what am I believing? What's underneath this?"
Two visions began to unfold.
I immediately saw a picture of Jesus and me (I was observing me from the outside) at a racetrack. He stood with His back to the track, between me and the cars. He wasn't watching the race; He was watching me. We were talking, but the track was still clearly in my periphery. The sound of the cars was there but not dominating our ability to talk.
I began to get the sense that He wanted me to look at Him, not pay attention to the cars.
The vision changed and I sensed He was asking me to take a photo of Him. This time He was standing in front of me, and I was in my body with a camera taking a photo. The vision ended.
Leneé photographs Jesus at a racetrack at sunset while race cars blur past behind him.
What I was really believing
As I leaned in for interpretation, here is what came.
A photo represents a moment in time. We take photos so that we can capture moments that are worth remembering. But so often we aren't living in the moment. Instead, we're fixated on the to-do list and others' progress. That's what the cars represented for me, and the racing reflected a sense of urgency that the enemy, or I, put on me.
That certainly helped me pivot, but it still didn't answer my question. What do I really believe?
And subtly, not-so-obviously, I had entered the room of "drawing conclusions." And well, we all know our minds don't default to good conclusions!
And there it was. "Will God really pull through? Is the work I am doing really leading somewhere? Will He REALLY do what He said He will do in enough time for me to experience it?"
The revelation didn't break me; it led me right into surrender and a posture of repentance.
Here's what I've come to understand: my body had already started racing before my mind knew what it was afraid of.
The pressure came first. The deeper belief (that God may not come through) is what fueled it.
But I didn't know any of that until I sat down and asked Him.
That's not a spiritual failure. That's how we're built. And as I grow in my understanding of how the body does what the mind tells it to do (hint: that may have something to do with what's coming 😉), what unfolded that morning makes perfect sense.
These are my photos for today
Using the weapon of His Word, I shifted my focus to these truths:
Looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2)
He who began a good work will carry it to completion. (Philippians 1:6)
His promises are "yes" and "amen." (2 Corinthians 1:20)
The vision is for an appointed time; though it lingers, wait for it. It will not delay. (Habakkuk 2:3)
As for the race… well, Hebrews 12 says we are running one. But it is describing a race of endurance… not urgency.
I still see the cars, but I no longer feel the pressure, because I know the One whose race I am running, whose fuel I can access, whose timing I can trust, and whose finish line is already secured.
I hope this brings you hope that He sees you, He is with you, and He is ready to bring the revelation your soul needs to pivot into the peace you long for.
What I can't tell you yet
I just completed something that has a certificate attached to it, and it expands what I will be able to offer you!
It's the part I'm most excited about and the part I'm not quite ready to explain. 😇
I am very willing to consider your requests! If there is something you want to know, either about what I am building or about the race you are running, send me a note and let's chat. I promise I will respond.
Stay with me, friend. We are turning a big corner. And if you miss the podcast in the meantime, all of Season 1 is still right here.
As for today, tell me: what pictures are you taking? 📸
Next entry: October 13.
Not sure what's driving your own engine? Take the Grace Scale quiz. It takes five minutes, and you'll see where you're striving and where you're resting.